Showing posts with label worried. Show all posts
Showing posts with label worried. Show all posts

2009-12-04

Scared

I'm so scared right now. I'm not gonna tell you why. I'm just really worried about some certain things.

2009-04-21

I Have No Idea What's Gonna Happen

Still really worried about Jackie not contacting me. I would have loved her. I would have given her everything. She lead me on and dumped me. Said we were best friends and ignored me. It hurts so much I can barely think of her. My best friend really comforts me though. Thinking of him doesn't hurt at all. It just makes me happy.

Maybe I'll even fall in love with him...

...I have no idea what's gonna happen in my life now. Peace and love.

2008-08-12

Ayo Is Dead


Yes, apparently my blog can get gloomier than it already was. My beautiful perfect baby turtle just stopped living today. It was extremely healthy and perky and everything and then yesterday it was just kinda slow and today it just stopped living. Just like that. It isn't fair to exchange the life of such a beautiful reptile for some worm poop in return.

My mom said she was worried about the turtle having been so slow yesterday. So I picked it up and it was just still. I touched the legs and the head. Splashed water at it. Poked it gently to make it react. Nothing. It was just dead. My perfect beautiful baby turtle that lived like royalty and got pampered perfectly.

I was completely crushed, just lay in my bed crying and screaming. I used my origami skills to make a black cardboard coffin and I put flowers in it. I put the turtle in the coffin and put the lid on. Me and my mother went out in the rain and darkness with a flashlight. My mother had dug a hole in our pet cemetery.

We put some leaves in the hole and took one last look at the turtle before we put the lid back on and put it in its grave. The hole was then covered with dirt and we placed three big stones on the grave, so no dog or cat would dig my turtle up. I was just sitting there in the bushes crying and screaming.

I only had three photos of this turtle. I didn't even have it for two months and it was perfectly healthy all the time. My other turtle was somewhat anorexic at first, but it just recovered finely. I decided to spend the post-funeral time -Don't know if post-funeral is a valid word- cleaning my room.

I just feel really upset and depressed now. I don't know how such a beautiful and healthy baby turtle could possibly just die. We took perfect care of it and this species usually lives a long time, often longer than humans even. I have seen turtles of this species much older and bigger and I said "Wow! My tiny baby turtle is gonna be that huge one day!"

2008-06-05

Reasons Why My Life Sucks

Not necessarily in order

    A friend of mine who lives quite far away, she has these seizures and stuff. Also, she has four daughters she supports all by herself and she is moving and it seems she really has not much money at the moment. She has at least two dogs as well, so she gotta keep herself, four girls and at least two dogs fed and healthy... I'm worried about her.

    I am in love with a person who says I am what he wants most of all in this world and that he loves me and I feel exactly the same about him... Except I don't change my mind back and forth and break his heart over and over! This ain't really anybody's business, but I need to vent on my blog.

    I have always felt somewhat empty and it seems I will never really have something to make me feel... Not so empty. Either I cannot really connect well with people or I am rejected when I for once actually like someone. The world is a boring place and I can't find no meaning in the world.

    I might not be able to get a python. I would love to have one of them big snakes, but I am just so worried that it would escape and hurt my cats. I can't have an animal that might hurt my cats. I so would love to have a huge, heavy, slow, calm snake though. They are so nice to hold.

    It seems I can't get a tarantula for a while. One of them big hairy spiders. They are so cute! My sister is completely afraid of them. She is just my little sister! She can't boss me around! My mother said my sister should get therapy to get over her unnecessary fear for these cute creatures, but at the moment she seems to quite refuse.

    I worry so much about my health. It's driving me crazy! I'm so afraid of something happening to me physically, because I just couldn't handle it and I just couldn't handle having to go to a doctor and getting examined. I couldn't handle being told I have this or that and I couldn't handle treating it.

    My best friend is unhappy and not so healthy and lives in another country instead of being here so I could hug him! His parents seem so judgmental, I wish he could be somewhere more loving and open-minded, where he can work out his issues in the open, without worrying about being judged.

    My friend who lives far away from here has brain tumors and perhaps twisted bowels, oh, I haven't talked to her much lately, I am not sure exactly what she has. Anyway, I am so worried about her, I really do hope everything is gonna be alright with her, that she will be healthy and not have to worry about tumors and crap like that, that shouldn't be in her brain or on her mind!

    My psychiatrist abused me. She lied about me. She misdiagnosed me. She just assumed the worst about me all the time. She made people hold me down and drug me. When she was told I have very good eyesight, she said to me, I'm probably just hallucinating. When I got a bit hyperactive, she accused me of being catatonic. And so on and so on eternally, it seems. I'ma sue that bitch's ass.