Grandma

My grandma Elsie died five years ago today. I miss her. She was groovy and a really fascinating person.

My Newest Purchases

I know I should be sleeping, but I can't sleep, so I thought I was gonna tell you about the latest shopping spree I had, which was yesterday! (or today if you see it that way)

I bought a present for Olga, but it's a secret for now

And for me I bought:
Two pairs of white knee socks with lace and bows, from Phaze
A pair of black velvet Mary Janes (girly shoes) from Demonia
A pair of bloody meat axe earrings
A pair of strawberry cupcake earrings
(Note: I've never used a meat axe and I have never eaten a cupcake, the earrings are more like symbols, like "dark" and "sweet")
A white cotton top, which was probably sewn by a teenage girl named Siri in the 1920's (the name Siri is embroided on it and the size seems to be for a teen or a very thin young woman, as myself)
A white petticoat (Vintage, but I forgot to ask the decade)
A white vintage apron

Also, I would like to say... I know I should have written this in my blog long ago, but it just feels like such a sad subject... One of my cats died in June. I miss her so much. She had kidney failure. It was one of my oldest cats (Yuffie), she was eleven years old.

There's No Hope At All - My Newest Poems

2009-02-10 THERE'S NO HOPE AT ALL

I know what love is

It's a burning Hell

Hands that you will never touch

A feeling that will never be enough

Someone you can't be with

Even though you wish you could

Someone too gorgeous for words

And you don't even care how they look

It's weird how people think

Saying death is such a terrible thing

Have you ever tried being alive?

It hurts more than you can believe!

If you kill or physically abuse

You'll go to prison, but what about those

Who kill someone from the inside out?

Starting with the soul, where it hurts the most

I know I'm an idiot

You know that it's true

I'm just a plain girl

And probably uglier than you

When I was little

I wasn't much better

I just longed for something

To make it all matter

But now that I've grown up

Now that I'm older

I finally know

There's just nothing to find - There's no hope at all!

----

THE PERFECT WORDS

I wanted to write you a poem

But the words just weren't enough

When I tried to find the flower

To compare to your beautiful skin

The flowers hid away

Because they knew

They could never win

I tried to find an adjective

To describe the look in your eyes

But what word could be enough

To describe those eyes

When they are so sad

And so beautiful

And so lonely

And so perfect

All at once?

What species of butterfly

Should I say flies within me?

I tried to look it up

But the butterflies of love

And desire

That are still invisible

And can manage to live inside of you

Well... My encyclopedia

Doesn't even mention they exist!

I looked for the perfect words

I wanted to say to you

I found only a few

But how do I turn them into a sentence?

Love

Sad

Comfort

Belong

Beautiful

Exciting

Kiss

Touch

Happy

Now those are the words

But how do I put them in a sentence?

Well, if I would draw you a picture

You wouldn't understand a thing

No colors and shapes could be enough

To describe what I feel about you

You are just too good to be true

----

2009-02-11 MY HEART

I gave you my heart

Now please give it back

I want to give it to someone else

What is this?

This is broken and torn

It's molten and old

This is not the heart I gave you

I gave you a fresh one

Young and full of hope

Full of love and desire

Now you leave it back to me

In this condition

Who's gonna want it now?

Fix it up for me

Heal it

So someone might want it again

----

2009-02-18 WILL I EVER BE ENOUGH?

If you met another girl

One from your neighborhood

Would you give me up

Or am I really enough?

Am I what you use

Until you find what you need?

What you throw out

When you find what you'll keep?

If I made love to you

Throughout the night

Could I please you enough?

Will you ever be satisfied?

Am I pretty enough?

For a goddess like you

If I was ugly

Would you leave me?

I have nothing to give you!

Nothing besides love

Can that be enough?

Or do you need more?

If I tell you I love you

You beautiful girl

Would you rather hear the words

From someone else but me?

If I couldn't offer money

Or sex or food or shelter

Would you still every night

Lay down by my side?

And would you still tell me

That you are only mine

And belong to no one else

But me?

Is this distance enough

To break up me and you?

Is any distance that far?

I hope the answer's "No!"

When you go to bed at night

Who do you think about?

Whose hands do you imagine

All over your perfect skin?

And whose name do you whisper

Silently in the night?

I'll never be perfect

But will I ever be enough?

The Turtle

Just want to tell you. My turtle which died on the 13th. A few hours after it died I buried it with plenty red flowers.

I'll miss it forever.

Feo

My turtle Feo has died. I still haven't buried it, but I'm about to. I'm just... It's like I can't accept that it's gone.

Rupert

Rupert, 2008-09-25 - 2008-10-01

Rupert's mother was killed by a car and therefore he had to be delivered by Cesarean section, two-three weeks early - Unfortunately, though, he didn't live many days.

Grandma

My grandma Gerd Elsie Majken Kagervall died on this day, four years ago. I loved grandma Elsie. She was a cool person.

Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes

Yes, in my last blog post I joked about my own death, we all thought that was really funny, now didn't we, but now this is real.

Bernie Mac

1957-10-05 - 2008-08-09

Bernard McCullough, from The Bernie Mac Show, Don't Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood, The Original Kings Of Comedy and much more, died of sarcoidosis, an inflammatory lung disease that produces tiny lumps of cells in the body's organs. He left behind a wife, daughter and grandchild. At the time of his death, Bernie was working on the movie Soul Man with Isaac Hayes.

Isaac Hayes

1942-08-20 - 2008-08-10

One day after Bernie died, Isaac Hayes died. He was an honorary king of an area in Ghana and the voice of Chef in South Park, though he was more famous for his music. At the time of his death he was preparing a new album. His cause of death is not entirely determined, though it is believed it was related to the stroke he had in 2006.