There's No Hope At All - My Newest Poems

2009-02-10 THERE'S NO HOPE AT ALL

I know what love is

It's a burning Hell

Hands that you will never touch

A feeling that will never be enough

Someone you can't be with

Even though you wish you could

Someone too gorgeous for words

And you don't even care how they look

It's weird how people think

Saying death is such a terrible thing

Have you ever tried being alive?

It hurts more than you can believe!

If you kill or physically abuse

You'll go to prison, but what about those

Who kill someone from the inside out?

Starting with the soul, where it hurts the most

I know I'm an idiot

You know that it's true

I'm just a plain girl

And probably uglier than you

When I was little

I wasn't much better

I just longed for something

To make it all matter

But now that I've grown up

Now that I'm older

I finally know

There's just nothing to find - There's no hope at all!

----

THE PERFECT WORDS

I wanted to write you a poem

But the words just weren't enough

When I tried to find the flower

To compare to your beautiful skin

The flowers hid away

Because they knew

They could never win

I tried to find an adjective

To describe the look in your eyes

But what word could be enough

To describe those eyes

When they are so sad

And so beautiful

And so lonely

And so perfect

All at once?

What species of butterfly

Should I say flies within me?

I tried to look it up

But the butterflies of love

And desire

That are still invisible

And can manage to live inside of you

Well... My encyclopedia

Doesn't even mention they exist!

I looked for the perfect words

I wanted to say to you

I found only a few

But how do I turn them into a sentence?

Love

Sad

Comfort

Belong

Beautiful

Exciting

Kiss

Touch

Happy

Now those are the words

But how do I put them in a sentence?

Well, if I would draw you a picture

You wouldn't understand a thing

No colors and shapes could be enough

To describe what I feel about you

You are just too good to be true

----

2009-02-11 MY HEART

I gave you my heart

Now please give it back

I want to give it to someone else

What is this?

This is broken and torn

It's molten and old

This is not the heart I gave you

I gave you a fresh one

Young and full of hope

Full of love and desire

Now you leave it back to me

In this condition

Who's gonna want it now?

Fix it up for me

Heal it

So someone might want it again

----

2009-02-18 WILL I EVER BE ENOUGH?

If you met another girl

One from your neighborhood

Would you give me up

Or am I really enough?

Am I what you use

Until you find what you need?

What you throw out

When you find what you'll keep?

If I made love to you

Throughout the night

Could I please you enough?

Will you ever be satisfied?

Am I pretty enough?

For a goddess like you

If I was ugly

Would you leave me?

I have nothing to give you!

Nothing besides love

Can that be enough?

Or do you need more?

If I tell you I love you

You beautiful girl

Would you rather hear the words

From someone else but me?

If I couldn't offer money

Or sex or food or shelter

Would you still every night

Lay down by my side?

And would you still tell me

That you are only mine

And belong to no one else

But me?

Is this distance enough

To break up me and you?

Is any distance that far?

I hope the answer's "No!"

When you go to bed at night

Who do you think about?

Whose hands do you imagine

All over your perfect skin?

And whose name do you whisper

Silently in the night?

I'll never be perfect

But will I ever be enough?

Even More Poems By Me

2008, December 5

EVERYTHING WOULD BE ALRIGHT

Everything would be alright

If somebody could save me

I've been in Hell for way too long

The devils love to rape you

They love to torture you

Then they leave you all alone

Among all the others

That you cannot touch

That cannot touch you

That you cannot see

That cannot see you

As you starve to death

Together

All alone

----

December 7

NOW YOU HAVE NOTHING LEFT

You're a monster

You're a god

You're a human

You're an animal

Eyes blindfolded

You stagger around

Randomly hating

Randomly loving

Just to leave your mark

Without thinking

You could take a deep breath

And make decisions you won't regret

But then you would just sit around all day

There's more to do when you're stupid

So you just go out and you laugh and you cry

And you kill and you heal

Just so that people will see you

Once there was a lady

Who loved you very much

Even though you were always ugly and mean

She said, baby, my son, I'm always here

She knew you'd need her later

Do you remember?

Someone loved you for you

Somebody wanted to keep you

But look what you've become

Where is your mother now? 

Is she even alive?

Do you even know?

Someone decided to give you the world

You just laughed and ran away

Now nobody looks at you anymore

Nobody will love you again

Your mother is dead and gone

There was a funeral

Where you there? 

Well, this is your life

There's no one else to blame

Now you have nothing left

Nobody cares for you

Nobody wants your care

You once had a mother's unconditional love

That was all you had

And most you could ever get

You forgot all her birthdays

And now she's dead

And now you have nothing left

----

December 8

WHY?

When you broke my heart

It turned into dust

See, my love is fire

Yours, just ashes on the dirty ground

Think twice

Before you walk away

It may be easy on you

But where am I to go?

Now I've reached the sky

After all this time I've tried

I found it was only a painting

The clouds, merely plastic bags

So I feel strangely reborn

Like a freshly diseased corpse

I'm not living anymore

Just staying alive

My first mistake was being born

My second was not dying

Would you miss me if I died?

I feel dead already

Do you miss me already?

I am right here!

Yet you are far away

Why?

----

December 9

PLEASE DON'T

You're the one I want to understand

The one I want to love

Know

Trust

I wish you were here

Time stands still without you

I pray to made up gods to remove my pain

To remove my worries

My ache

My sorrow

Don't let us become

Like the people in the stories

Stories of those who parted

And never met again

Please don't

What The Fuck Do You Want From Me?

Everyday, everyday I get some random asstards on the internet that tell me I am not good enough or that I am too weak or too stupid or too ugly. What the fuck do you want? Why the hell do you criticize me all the freaking time? Hell, last night I even had an idiot tell me I am stupid, because I think life is hard.

Also, I have some people keep telling me I am childish because I don't tolerate anti-gay-marriage attitudes. Well, of course I freakin don't! Why the hell would I? I tolerate most things. People can do whatever the freak they want and think whatever the freak they want. But. If people say that some people should not be allowed to marry each other, I will think you are an idiot and that will not make me childish.

Once, some idiot even said I could not possibly be gothic because I don't totally worship Siouxsie. How fucking stupid can people be? And another crap thing, whenever I even slightly complain about anything, random internet idiots say I'm "whining". Whining? Me? I am known for not whining.

Yeah, I've been through shit, my life is hell, I'm lonely and people mistreat me, but you know, I still manage to go through my life, help people, take care of my pets, smile once in a while. That is not whiny. I am not whiny because sometimes my difficult life just becomes such a mess that I feel like screaming.

If I was whiny I'd just whine. And I fucking don't, OK, but I'm allowed to vent about my problems and my hard reality. What the fuck do you want me to do? Get a job? I'm trying. Move out? I'm trying. Make someone happy? I'm trying. Give to charity? I do. Get a pet? I have a bunch. Have children? That's just ridiculous, I'm only nineteen and single.

So fucking stop criticizing me people, I try my best at living life and stop criticizing my effort, just because some people are spoiled and don't know how it is to suffer does not mean life is easy. And stop criticizing my opinions, my biggest opinion is really that we all have endless rights as long as it doesn't limit anyone else's rights, you can't possibly complain about that and the other opinions I have are usually just personal opinions that no one should fight about anyway!

Stop saying life is easy, stop saying I don't know what it is to suffer, stop say I'm whining, stop saying I'm a bad person! I really try hard but it all turns out shit anyway, I try to get an apartment, not many available, try to get a job, can't get one, try to make people happy, doesn't work, I do things that I love doing even though my life is a mess!

Sometimes I just feel like screaming because of how messy my life is, I cry almost everyday, but I just keep on trying to live life, I keep on doing what I think is right. So fucking stop calling me a whiner everyfuckingtime I need to vent a little bit. This is a hard world to live in! It's not easy in the slightest!

Most importantly, I just want to make sure that my loved ones are happy and that I have a close relationship to them, also I focus lots on making progress in my karate, taking as good photos as possible, maintaining my health and that of my pets, having a good relation to my little cousin and much much more!

So everybody fucking stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop saying that I do not try hard in life! However much fun it is to practice karate and however much I love my friends, these are difficult things to deal with in life! There will be pain and there will be confusion and there will be sadness and there will be exhaustion.