Words Are Inadequate

There are three people in my life that are very very special for me, but it is hard for me to explain feelings with words. Well, I was asked to try and figure out what I really feel for these people and these are pretty much the clearest descriptions I can come up with!

Individual A: I don't know what to say to you. You are so special to me and I am not the same to you. You are so sweet sometimes when I really need it and you have such a fascinating mind. I love how we are completely opposite, yet exactly the same. I think I'll always love you. You know that because of this special thing between you and me... I could never say goodbye. I will always be here if you need me. I mean that. I thought I would always be in love with you. Now I don't know. You've rejected me for so long and now she came along... I don't know what to feel. I feel like on some strange spiritual level, you and me belong together. Through all the time, we always come back to talk to each other. But then maybe that strange spiritual level is the only place we belong together. I really cannot tell. Maybe in this world, in this life, we are too different. Too bad. I would have loved to be yours. I've painfully tried. For more than a year. Will probably never really give up on it, either. You know that I am yours if you ever need a friend, a lover, a girlfriend, a comfort. I desperately wish I could get through that isolation of yours. You have a beautiful mind and a sweet personality, but lots of the time you just lock me out, like you cannot get close. Sometimes you are even cruel. Don't you like me? Or are you just afraid? Sometimes you act like you just want to be alone. Then there are times when you seem desperate for someone to reach out to you and break your isolation. I've tried a long time to be that person. Am I not the right person? Or is the problem only that we live so far apart? Maybe I still am not the right girl, but then again, are you really closer to anybody than you are to me? I never know with you. I don't know what to believe. But I know I will always be in your life. Whether as a friend or a lover. I do love you. I don't think anybody can ever truly take your place. You make me feel like there is something in this world that is more than just being born, eating, sleeping and dying. Maybe you'll end up with someone else and I will too. But you will always be a special part of me, babe.

Individual B: You are my best friend. The one I know I can always count on, always trust.

Individual C: You hide away from everyone and don't let anyone know you, then, out of the blue, you said to me "I want you to know me". We were complete strangers then, but now that I've gotten to know you some, I have seen what a beautiful, sweet, unique and special girl you are. You want me to know you? Such a beautiful girl hides away from the world and then reaches out to me, me of all the people in the world. That must mean I am very lucky. Yes, please, let me know you! You've said such sweet things to me, I don't deserve such praise. And somehow I've managed to help you, comfort you, I know that. I want to keep on helping and comforting you. I am so very lonely... I can't see why somebody would just reach out to me, of all the people in the world. To want me to know you. When no one else gets to. That's special. And you say such horrible things, that you feel so sad. I just want to make it all better, I want to make you feel good. I know I've made you feel good. You said you wanted to kiss me. Wasn't that a good feeling? And everytime I've encouraged you, you do something brave. Don't I make you feel good? So don't hide away from me. You are so shy, sweetheart, hiding away such a beautiful person from the world. At least I get to know you a little bit, maybe more than anyone else knows you, but I would love to know you more. I wish you were here. The distance is confusing. I know you like me, like I like you. I don't want to lose it. But this is not a relationship. Being on each side of the ocean and not even talking to each other all that much, that's not a relationship. But we know the feeling is there. We reached out to each other and we connected. I feel for you. I would never use you. But please relax, don't expect me to make any decisions soon. You know if I said I chose him, you would be broken hearted, if I said I chose you, you would be freaked out that I could decide so quickly that you are my one. I barely know you yet. It's funny how I am so drawn to you, even though we barely know each other yet. When I think of it, one thing that makes you very special is how you reached out to me. You didn't let anybody know you, but you wanted me to know you. I have no idea why. But I must be very very lucky. That you also happen to be unbelievably gorgeous, smart, a talented artist and one of the sweetest people I know, really doesn't hurt! Please don't be so afraid. Don't worry so much, my dear. I made you feel good didn't I? I made you feel beautiful at least a few times? I want to keep on giving you good feelings. Think of any time I made you feel good. I want to keep on making you feel good. Don't worry so much... Don't fear the future! It's too early to make any decisions, but it's never too early to have a feeling. Remember that you cannot scare away love. But you can love away fear. Follow the love, not the fear. Do what you want, instead of focusing on avoiding what you are afraid of. If you avoid things all the time, you cannot do much at all. You can do everything, because you are young and you are wonderful, you just need to gain some courage and remember, I have love for you, because you are just the way you are. I will always be in your life, whether it will be as your lover or as your friend. You know I really think I am falling in love with you. I want to kiss those lips so badly. Those sad gray eyes of yours... It hurts to see them like that. I wish you could smile.