2009-12-31

New Year: Photos of 2009

With the new year coming up, I decided to summarize the old year in pictures. I picked one photo I've taken each month in 2009, it's kind of hard picking the best of each month, but I tried, so here are one of the best pics I've taken for each month!

JANUARY

My cousin Majken

FEBRUARY

Birds on lake Mälaren

MARCH

Self-portrait with a dried bouquet of flowers

APRIL

A butterfly that had suffered a lack of oxygen and walked around on me while recovering

MAY

A dandelion

JUNE

Baby crocodile

JULY

The hills of Wales

AUGUST

My cousin Olga

SEPTEMBER

A spider in motion

OCTOBER

My cousin Olga at Hedvig's birthday party

NOVEMBER

My dear cat Gloria

DECEMBER

My cousin Olga celebrating Christmas

2009-12-30

New Year: Summary of 2009

Hi! Since the new year is coming up I just thought I'd list up some of the most important things that happened this past year.

I was stupid enough to fall in love with a girl named Jackie.

I did work practice at a pre-school where I got to know some very wonderful children.

I fell out of love with Jackie.

I went to a great Diamanda Galás concert.

I fell in love with my best friend, we met in real life several times and spent lots of time together.

My cat Yuffie died.
She was eleven years old and had kidney failure.
Luckily my boyfriend/best friend was with me and he comforted me a lot.

My little sister Lydia went to America as an exchange student or whatever they call it these days.
She's not coming back to Sweden until next Summer.

I broke up with my amazing boyfriend/best friend, because I found someone else.
My ex doesn't wanna be friends anymore.
I'm gonna miss that beautiful man, but I'm falling in love again, which is great!
My new man's name is Stuart.

2009-12-23

So, What's New?

You're all wondering...

Oh well!

So I broke up with my beautiful amazing boyfriend. I loved him very much but it was my decision and I had my personal reasons. I am now the property of Mister Stuart in Australia.

I finished my practice at the kindergarten, but yesterday I visited there to pick up some spare clothes I had left there and leave a Christmas card. It got a bit emotional, because one of the kids that I had connected the most with had really missed me and got sad knowing I wasn't gonna come there anymore. Poor sweet girl. I hugged her lots and stroked her beautiful hair.

It's the Chrismess! I'm not a Christian, but I do enjoy the traditions of listening to Mahalia Jackson, watching the same cartoons that show on Christmas Eve every year, give and recieve gifts and getting the family together! When I say "family", I'm mostly referring to my very lovely little cousins Olga and Majken.

I didn't really have the energy... Or will this year to buy presents for every single person I know, it's just so repetitive and so hard to pick something out! The only people who get concrete presents from me are my mom, Olga, Majken and Hedvig. Other people will get symbolic gifts and perhaps some drawings if I have the energy and inspiration to make them!

Oh, well, I believe that's all I wanted to ramble about for now. Ta ta!

2009-12-18

Snowb

Well, Sweden sure is cold! Today was something between -15 and -6 Celcius locally. Going out, I wore

One tanktop
One longsleeved top
Another longsleeved top
One t-shirt
One knit sweater
One hoodie sweater
One pair of panties
Another pair of panties
One pair of tights that cover feet
Another pair of tights that cover feet
One pair of pants
Another pair of pants
A pair of socks
A long coat
One pair of extra thick snow pants
A knit cap
A scarf
Thick gloves
One pair of boots

So I was only somewhat cold

The kids love the snow though!

"It is good snowb. It is good snowb" *Licks snowb*
"Snow is full of germs"

...

*Keeps licking snowb*
"Snow is full of germs"

...

*Keeps munching on snowb*
*Shakes head at child*
*Nods at me*
*Rubs child's adorable nose*

...

*Teaches younger child how to properly eat snowb*
"Guys, you know how many germs there are in snow? Guys? You can get sick if you eat that!" *Blows kiss at children and give up*

It was my last day at the pre-school today. Now those kids will have to do without me! I sure will miss 'em.

2009-12-15

I Just Feel Like Crying

I am in quite a pickle right now, one where I am hurting two very important people as well as myself. I'm gonna have to make a very tough choice and if I don't, then we'll all end up with nothing. Especially me. I'll be all alone. And I already am. Now, I know that these things are somewhat personal, but it's therapeutic for me to write things publicly and don't worry, I won't share any personal details.

I got

APS - The love of my life, my best friend, whom I've always counted on and trusted. We had a perfect relationship that we were sure no one could break through and we were both sure we would be spending our lives together. We were so happy. Not only were we in love, we were the closest friends and we knew that when life gets hard, we'd always have each other.

and

SRC - An old friend who suddenly came back into my life, who has everything in common with me, the same weird, isolated mind that I thought only I had, the same thoughts I have and the same unusual interests and passions. We just reconnected and connected more than ever. It's like our minds are the same.

So: Now I have no boyfriend. I broke up with APS because I wouldn't want to be a dishonest girlfriend by being with him at the same time as I had feelings for someone else. And I can't belong to SRC because I'm still in love with APS. If I do decide that APS is the only one for me after all, I would have to crawl in the dirt and beg for him to take me back after the pain I've caused and if he would take me back he would probably forbid me to ever speak to my beautiful SRC ever again. If I decide to be with SRC, then I would forever have to lose the perfect love I had with APS and the safety and comfort he gave me as my best friend and soulmate, which was my entire life.

2009-12-06

New Info On The Kids

I just read some updates on the children who fell out a window in August, I wrote about them back then when it happened. They're all alive, but it's not all good news, I'm almost crying a little. Ayub and Filip recovered quite perfectly, but all is not well with Samira. She had to remove a piece of her skull, so now she has to wear a helmet all the time - She could die if she hit her head again. Also, she sometimes gets severe memory loss, so bad that she cannot even remember her mother. Apparently there's a 50 per cent chance of her memory going back to normal. Such a gorgeous, lively little girl cannot play like children do and her parents have to worry all the time. It's such a tragedy. I'm glad she's alive at least.

2009-12-05

Bonding With Butterflies


I realized that I have several times really bonded with butterflies. But then I thought: Is it even really possible to bond with a butterfly? I mean, they're insects, they cannot possibly have any feelings toward a human being. Several times I've helped injured or sick butterflies get back to health and it almost seems like they trusted me somehow.

In April, I noticed a butterfly stuck in the window - It was trapped between the two glasses and was still alive. I opened up between the glasses to let the butterfly out and it climbed on my hands, face and hair for quite a while. It was clear it suffered a lack of air and therefore seemed quite weak and tired.

After a while it recovered and it could fly short, short distances at a time. I had somewhere to be, so I could not stay with it forever and therefore put it down in a flower pot, among the flowers, hoping it would recover. When I was back home, the butterfly was not there. Either it managed to fly away or one of my cats ate it. I hope it flew away.

Another time, when I was about to go home from my work practice at the pre-school, I found a butterfly walking around on the ground, in the quite windy weather. I realized that something was wrong with it, so I carefully picked it up to look at it, but I had to be quite careful, since the gusts of wind could blow the butterfly away - Which could not fly or even walk well of its own.

I saw that it had something sticky on it, must have walked in glue or tree sap or something, it surely wasn't spider-web, no, this was something much stronger. Basically, the antennae were glued together and some of the legs were glued to each other as well as to the wings. As you might understand, this is quite a pickle for a delicate butterfly.

What I had to do was perform "buttefly surgery" of a kind. I had to carefully "cut" between the stuck together body-parts, to free them from each other. The butterfly seemed to trust me and stayed in my hand. I had to use small sticks I found on the ground to gently press between the antennae to separate them.

It seemed quite uncomfortable for the butterfly, but it worked after a while. The antennae were unharmed. Still a bit covered in the sticky thing, which was obviously dried up and not anymore sticky, but the antennae were separate from each other and seemed good as new. I do not recall quite how I managed to pull through between the antennae, I think I just had the butterfly on my hand and "lifted" it up with the stick between the antennae and after a while, it worked.

Then there was still the problem of the legs and wings: The butterfly seemed a bit uncomfortable, but was very patient with me. I think what the butterfly did was climb my fingers while I pulled the small stick between its legs and wings to separate them. The butterfly stayed patiently and I think I only had to hold it still a few times.

Now how you hold a butterfly still - Is to very, very, very softly pinch the legs. I mean extremely softly. Butterflies are very fragile. Anyway, I managed to separate the legs from each other and then separate them from the wings - Which they were glued to, making it impossible to walk or fly.

In the end, the butterfly recovered quite well and the only thing it lost was a tiny part of its wing - The wings were already somewhat damaged, though. It could walk well, but seemed somewhat hesitant towards flying, although it could move its wings again. I left it in the bushes, so that it would have some protection from the wind and people walking on the ground. I hope it could fly again.

Another time at the pre-school, this time it was fall, maybe September or October, I can't really recall, a girl told me she found a butterfly. I found the butterfly hiding in a tire-swing. It is quite strange to see a living butterfly in Sweden that late in the year, so I guess it was a late butterfly.

As it was very cold, the butterfly would probably have frozen to death within some days and it probably did unless it found a place to hibernate. But its always nice to make sure the animal it well as long as possible. I let it be in my hand but it really did not move much. I figured that some warm air would probably help warm it up, as it seemed to be very still from the cold.

And very well - It did start to move around when I exhaled warm air at it. At first it just started moving around a little, but the next time I carefully breathed at it, it flew away and I mean it really flew away far up in the sky and it wasn't the wind, it was with its own wings. I hope it found a nice place to hibernate. If it didn't survive, I hope at least it didn't suffer.

2009-12-04

Scared

I'm so scared right now. I'm not gonna tell you why. I'm just really worried about some certain things.