I Just Feel Like Crying

I am in quite a pickle right now, one where I am hurting two very important people as well as myself. I'm gonna have to make a very tough choice and if I don't, then we'll all end up with nothing. Especially me. I'll be all alone. And I already am. Now, I know that these things are somewhat personal, but it's therapeutic for me to write things publicly and don't worry, I won't share any personal details.

I got

APS - The love of my life, my best friend, whom I've always counted on and trusted. We had a perfect relationship that we were sure no one could break through and we were both sure we would be spending our lives together. We were so happy. Not only were we in love, we were the closest friends and we knew that when life gets hard, we'd always have each other.

and

SRC - An old friend who suddenly came back into my life, who has everything in common with me, the same weird, isolated mind that I thought only I had, the same thoughts I have and the same unusual interests and passions. We just reconnected and connected more than ever. It's like our minds are the same.

So: Now I have no boyfriend. I broke up with APS because I wouldn't want to be a dishonest girlfriend by being with him at the same time as I had feelings for someone else. And I can't belong to SRC because I'm still in love with APS. If I do decide that APS is the only one for me after all, I would have to crawl in the dirt and beg for him to take me back after the pain I've caused and if he would take me back he would probably forbid me to ever speak to my beautiful SRC ever again. If I decide to be with SRC, then I would forever have to lose the perfect love I had with APS and the safety and comfort he gave me as my best friend and soulmate, which was my entire life.