So, I figured instead of just lying around being depressed, I could at least write a list over what could possibly make me slightly less depressed and I'll try to remotely follow these things, though I suppose I might not be able to have all these things. The names are removed because I felt like this is so personal, I don't really want to give people out, it's not like I'm saying these are their dreams, they're my dreams!
The people I am close to would know exactly what people I am referring to anyways and besides, this list is really mostly for myself. It might look on some places in the list as if I am really confident or really afraid, but neither is actually true. The truth is really that I am usually quite confident and brave, even though I don't have a lot of self esteem, but sometimes I just get afraid of the strangest things!
*I hoped I had some kind of connection with [friend]. Thinking of him makes me feel like I have found something meaningful... For this to really be true is what I want most.
*I want to be close to [other friend]. He is my best friend and I would love to live with him and have him in my life always. He means a lot to me.
*I want to have children. I really, really do. I get so jealous when I see other people with children, especially women my age.
*I want to become better and better at photography. Get my photos out there. Not be scared of a little fame. Take the chances.
*I want to write more and more poems and get them out there. Show them off on the internet. Not be scared of a little fame.
*I want to practice karate regularly and keep on learning more and more. I really want to go far in this sport and philosophy.
*I want to be a model. For myself, but maybe even for others. Not be afraid of the fame and challenges. I'm a pretty girl and people want me as their model.
*I want to take all my opportunities at life, whether in art or socially. I don't want to fear fame or commitment. I should ignore the fear and do what is right.
*I want to always look pretty. Some days I just lie around and never get to putting on nice clothes. I should always wear nice clothes and look great.
*I want my own place. That it is my own is what is important. Also I have to have room for my snake and a computer. Room for photography and karate is a plus.
*I want a job. In childcare specifically. Or working with the mentally retarded. I don't need to get paid much, maybe I'll even start out working for free, to get a foot in there, so to speak.
*I want to do more and more charity and activism. I can't afford right now to donate any money, other than for [child I sponsor], which I can barely afford, but I want to do more in the future.
*I want more pets. I would love to have lots of animals, though I should only buy animals once in a while, so I don't buy more than I can handle.
*I want to always be a big part in the life of my little cousins. Also, in [little girl I know]'s life, even though she isn't technically my cousin, so to speak.
*I want to travel. I want to see different parts of Sweden and I would love to see other countries. Africa would be nice as well as Asia, though I'm not sure which countries in these beautiful continents.
*I want to keep on reading and learning about lots of things, perhaps even officially study, if I would ever have the energy and focus to do so.
*I want to keep on blogging, whether it's photos, lists, personal stories or fictional stories. I want to get my blog out there and get people commenting on it.
*Practice more witchcraft. Learn more and more about it and become a more active witch. Not be so afraid. Witchcraft is part of nature.
*Keep all my friends close to me. Not just [friend] and [other friend], my other friends too. I want to make sure they are always in my life.
*Actively log onto all my internet accounts and make sure my passwords, profiles, photos, layouts and such are updated and fresh.
*Teach and learn. If someone wants to learn from me: Teach them, if someone wants to teach me: Learn from them. This is always a good thing.
*Make sure that everyone knows what [abusive psychiatrist] has done. Make sure to change the medical journals so my name is cleared.
*Keep on having a close relationship to the pets that I have now, even the ones I will move away from and also the ones that I have sold.
*Fight for animal rights, even try to give them the same rights as humans. We were all born equal and should not be treated as anything else.
*Make sure to bring beautiful things into my life, beautiful art and such and not hold onto things that just don't fit my personality just because I might want to use it in the future, like clothes and jewelry.
*I would like to keep on singing and learn to do it better. Some people think I sing well, though I'm not sure I do. Anyway, I want to be able to sing well.
*I want to keep on making Flash games, preferably better ones than the ones I've already made, maybe make sure my graphics are improving and that the themes are interesting.
*Learn new skills. Maybe learn how to make traditional kisekae dolls for example. Maybe take up sewing clothes, which I haven't done in ages.
*Own traditional formal clothing from different cultures and times. Doesn't really even have to be formal, traditional peasants' clothes are fine, too.
*Actively try - And maybe endorse - New products from the internet or nice stores. There are websites where you can order lovely vegan cosmetics, for example!
*Keep on writing, both articles and stories. I can publish these on my blog or on various internet sites. I like to write about my opinions as well as fictional stories.
*Take an active part in karma and justice: It is important to cherish each innocent life as well as make sure no one gets away with treating others as shit.
*Keep my health and hygiene. Shower, brush my teeth, eat, work out every day. Karate is a good sport to make sure you are athletic.
*Live life my way, the honest way, the decent way, without following stupid made-up rules or traditions. It is more important to follow your heart and soul than to follow other people's expectations.
*Take care of all animals, children, handicapped and homeless in my life, whether or not they are my responsibility. If they are not my responsibility, then I cannot trust they are someone else's responsibility either.
*Keep my room and my environment clean and orderly. There is no reason to keep your things in a mess or to keep old crap lying around, that you will never need.
*Keep my computer clean and orderly. Make sure to get rid of old files I don't use and download the programs I like, so my computer is always useful and working as it should.
*Keep on working on my flexibility. I've been extremely flexible since I was a child and I shouldn't let it go to waste. Flexibility is awesome and happyfun.
*Try to be more and more independent. I already know that I can take care of myself, but sometimes I get so used to my parents taking care of me.
*Be helpful with my family. I know they are annoying and stupid sometimes, but I love them and they have been so good to me.
*Get rid of these dang warts I have covering my hands. They are ugly and I feel disgusting when I look at them. They are not good for modeling or even being seen in public places.
*Try to sleep at night and be up at day. Or at least if I'm up at night I should sleep at day. I get so messy in my brain when I sleep irregularly.
*Take a sign language class. If I am going to work with handicapable people in the future, sign language would definitely be good to know.
*I want to make sure every spot of my skin is perfect. Blemishes and even fine hairs show so much on photos. I should definitely try to make my skin better.
*Perhaps most importantly: Keep on putting all my focus on love and on peace and not dwell so much on what I fear or hate. If you feel fear and love at the same time, it's more important to follow the love than to avoid your fears!
1 comment:
Well, I don't actually think this is likely to have effect.
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